You're Hired!

Hello Internet. You look lovely today. Well, you look decent. I see you didn't dress up, but what's new.

A quick update on something that deserves much more than that. I have been hired full time at the show which is absolutely fantastic. I share an office (which is literally an old bank vault) with another young employee and we've decided to turn our steel (eventual) grave into a 70s love nest. That way, when the vault door accidentally closes on us. We will find great solitude in the glowing light of the lava lamp as our bodies slowly die from oxygen deprovation.

In said scenario. I will try to get one last entry online with my last will and testament. Be aware, if I try to leave anything to Graham, that is solely the oxygen depravation talking. I will leave him with nothing, and if possible, I would like him to be burried alive alongside my body. He would want it that way. Trust me.

Also, everyone here has different things on their desk to personalize their workspace. Write in the comments below what I should do to personalize my office (i.e what kinds of pictures, movie posters, newspaper clippings, you know, office stuff).

That's all for now,

Ross

Guess who's back

Boy, has it been a WHILE. Yes, it has, and I apologize. I apologize for misleading you. By not blogging over the past month (I rounded down) I have misled my readers making them think I was off being productive. When instead I was off being merely ductive.

Okay, that's a lie, I've been extremely productive. So eat that, all you out there who think that you can't work in a town that isn't hiring. I've been making my own work.

Upon leaving my internship, I called up my friend Brett. That conversation went something like this:

(Reenactment)
Brett: Hello?

Ross: Bro Lemia, what's going on?

Brett: Hey, not much.

Ross: Want to make the best web series the world has ever seen?

Brett: Sure! With our powers combined...

Ross: We can summon earth's greatest champion...

Brett and Ross put their rings together

CAPTAIN PLANET!

Captain Planet: Oh, you know, I would you guys. But I have this thing I gotta go to. Good luck.

Captain Planet leaves.

Ross: That guy was a dick.

Brett: And how!

Either way, we started making our Shitty Roommate webisodes and have gotten great responses. I'll post my favorite one here and let you (the reader) navigate the clues to find the rest of them. Just think of it as National Treasure but without having to put up with the idea that Nicholas Cage knows anything about American history.



Enjoy that? Good, I'm glad.

See Ross? It wasn't that hard. It took you like 7 minutes to update this thing. Let's vow to never abandon these fine readers again (until the next time you abandon these fine readers) Agreed? Good.

That's all for now. Keep checking those links and subscribe to my Twitter should you want more Ross in smaller doses.

www.twitter.com/therosseverett

I love you all (most of you)

~Ross

My internship has come to a close. After weeks and weeks of unpaid service to the men and women of the Tonight Show staff, I left with hearty handshakes and great contacts. All of which will be used toward getting me a job.

On my last day, as was fitting, I had the opportunity to watch the taping of the show due to a less than full studio audience that needed filling. As luck would have it, I got another opportunity to be on the television show that most critics are calling "what show?"

Check me out in the background of this segment of The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien proudly sporting my University of Arizona T-shirt.

NEW VIDEO POSTED

Hey everybody. My friend Brett (Hi Brett!) and I made a new video in our Shitty Roommate series. We also have some deleted scenes and thanks to Brett's boyfriend Glen (Hi Glen!) a behind the scenes look at what it's like making a video with Ross and Brett! Enjoy!





The Video (I show some nice butt crack in the thumbnail):







The Deleted Scenes:









The Behind the Scenes:










The Prequel:

My First Review

Allright everyone (both of you), every performer, actor, comedian, whatever, always remembers their first review. Here is mine:

Goldstein Reviews

Sure, it's a friend's blog. Sure, he only has 30 something followers, but that's about 21 more than me so I'm counting it dammit!

Thanks Will.

Proof is in the Punchline

APPARENTLY, everyone has had this similar revelation. This, "Now's the time!" attitude has caught wildfire amongst all of the graduating class of 2009. I want to take this opportunity to say: back off. Okay? This was my revelation. You can't have it.

I'm going to claim this motivation as my own by illustrating before you now a sketch. That I will write straight into my blog. Feel free to film your version of it and post a link to it in the comments.

Character List
Craig
Dale

Craig approaches Dale's desk holding some papers

Craig: Hey Dale, here's the Yamamoto report.

Dale: Great. Thank you.

Craig: No problem.

Craig starts to walk away.

Dale: Wait, Craig. This isn't the Yamomoto report.

Craig: It's not?

Dale: No. (reading from the page) "Dearest Dale, I've been watching you from afar for a while now-"

Craig: Yeah, that's the Yamomoto report.

Dale: I don't think so (reading more) "often times I picture you and I together in the bahamas"

Craig: Yeah, like buddies-

Dale: "licking whipped cream off of each others' sandy bodies-" It says nothing in here about Yamomoto.

Craig: You sure? Check the next page.

Dale: "-find myself drawing blood just to make sure I can still feel-" Yeah, this is definitely not the report. It seems like this is a love letter you've written to me. Frankly Craig, I'm disturbed

Craig: That's ridiculous. Look at the graphs.

Dale: (flipping pages) These aren't graphs, they're just pictures you drew of you and I engaging in gratuitous sex acts.

Craig: No, that line right there illustrates the increase in profits from the account last year.

Dale: You drew an arrow toward it and labeled it "time spent crying alone"

Craig: Dale, do you have any idea how ridiculous this sounds. Why would I hand you a "letter" that I "wrote to you" about our "overwhelming love" that implies that I would "end both our lives" if you didn't "reciprocate immediately by "winking twice"?

Craig waits.

Craig: Was that a wink?-

Dale: No it was not a wink! And Craig, that part about the winking isn't even in here.

Craig: It's not?

Dale: No, it's not.

Craig: Oh.

Beat

Craig: Here's the Peterson Report.

END

So your assignment is to film this and post it online. My only request is that you put a link to my blog in your sidebar issuing the challenge to other users on the interwebs.

HAPPY FILMING!

~Ross

Starting...NOW! Starting NOW. Okay, NOW.

I'm going to start now. Up until now was merely procrastination that I'll credit to my transition into life in Los Angeles. Right now you're saying "But Ross, you've been in LA four months and you're just now ending your transitional stage?"

First of all, back off. That's quite a bold thing to say to someone that you've just met, and you don't wear it well. Second of all, you're right. It did take a while; and it's still not entirely over as I am still interning and don't even have a steady job yet. What I have figured out is how I am going to spend my free time. Instead of waking up at 1 pm on days that I do not have work, staying in my boxers until 5 pm checking my fantasy football line-up (he's lying mom, don't believe a word he says), I am going to wake up at 10 and BE PRODUCTIVE.

I don't mean to slight what I've been doing, (don't get me wrong, my fantasy football stats are family friends with Incredible) but I'm going to do it BETTER.

So, in short, keep your eyes open or my career is going to slap you across the face.